I know that no one will care, or probably even read this, but I don’t care because I have to get this out. This right here is the guy that I have been madly in love with for a little over a year now, which may not seem like a long time for some people, but you just don’t know what we have been through. I have spent so many nights crying over him, and thinking about doing things I should never ever think about doing. I turned to drugs and alcohol, because getting fucked up was the only way I could sleep at night. Everyone started calling me a whore, and telling me that I was worthless, but no one ever took the time to ask me if I was okay, or why the sudden change. But I finally had stopped all of that because he had actually decided to give me a chance again. I can honestly say it was the happiest day of my life, everyone realized the change in me. I thought everything was going to be okay again, I was with the guy that I saw myself marrying, and spending the rest of my life with. Then he found out about a mistake that I regret more than anything. I would do anything to take back what I did, but I can’t, and it truly kills me. People always tell me to just leave him alone, that he only hurts me, but they don’t have any fucking idea how much he means to me. I am probably just stupid, but I don’t care, I just want the love of my life back, and but that will never happen, because now he hates me. Or so he told me. Do you know how it feels to hear the only person that you ever cared for, the one that you trusted with everything you had, to say that? It feels like someone dropped an anchor directly on your chest, then took out your heart, set it on fire, and put it in a pit of acid, except ten million times worse. I am not really positive what to do anymore, because the only purpose for me waking up every morning was to make that boy smile his gorgeous smile of his. My only wish is that he finds a girl that actually deserves him and won’t ever hurt him, and treat him like the precious baby he is. Fuck, what am I saying, I just want him back.

I know that no one will care, or probably even read this, but I don’t care because I have to get this out. This right here is the guy that I have been madly in love with for a little over a year now, which may not seem like a long time for some people, but you just don’t know what we have been through. I have spent so many nights crying over him, and thinking about doing things I should never ever think about doing. I turned to drugs and alcohol, because getting fucked up was the only way I could sleep at night. Everyone started calling me a whore, and telling me that I was worthless, but no one ever took the time to ask me if I was okay, or why the sudden change. But I finally had stopped all of that because he had actually decided to give me a chance again. I can honestly say it was the happiest day of my life, everyone realized the change in me. I thought everything was going to be okay again, I was with the guy that I saw myself marrying, and spending the rest of my life with. Then he found out about a mistake that I regret more than anything. I would do anything to take back what I did, but I can’t, and it truly kills me. People always tell me to just leave him alone, that he only hurts me, but they don’t have any fucking idea how much he means to me. I am probably just stupid, but I don’t care, I just want the love of my life back, and but that will never happen, because now he hates me. Or so he told me. Do you know how it feels to hear the only person that you ever cared for, the one that you trusted with everything you had, to say that? It feels like someone dropped an anchor directly on your chest, then took out your heart, set it on fire, and put it in a pit of acid, except ten million times worse. I am not really positive what to do anymore, because the only purpose for me waking up every morning was to make that boy smile his gorgeous smile of his. My only wish is that he finds a girl that actually deserves him and won’t ever hurt him, and treat him like the precious baby he is. Fuck, what am I saying, I just want him back.

Notes
12
Posted
2 years ago